Ouch

Warning: graphic descriptions of bodily fluids ahead. If you're queasy, or even sensible, stop now.

I never knew how truly tender I was until I fell off the toilet in a dead faint. It was a surprise ~ I thought I was just there to puke my guts out combined with a little projectile doo-dooing, iykwimaityd. It’s always a hard choice: do I sit and throw up into a Tupperware bowl, or do I heave into the toilet and hope nothing comes out the other end? Hmmm. What to do, what to do. I chose the former. So, while clutching my bowl in my arms and preparing for the worst bout of projectile everything, THE WAVE of nausea rolls through me, draining every bit of blood from my head and down I go and not in a good way. The bowl was just the right size to give me a fat lip, a crescent-shape bruise on my left boob and a deep bruise on my sternum.

I also have, for you ghouls, a deep hematoma on my left hand

and on my left knee,
and there are three weird little bruises up the back of my left leg, too. Puzzling.

This is the ravages of food poisoning, people. DO NOT GO THERE.

His symptoms started ahead of mine and I was unable to help my husband for three hours while he was puking like I’ve never heard anyone puke before. I kept racking my brain: what did we eat? Did I eat everything he ate or did I skip just the one little thing that got him? I feel fine; maybe it won’t hit me. Denial and fear. Lots of fear.

Three hours later I’m on the bathroom floor in a pool of never-mind and he’s bending over me asking "Honey, Honey, are you ok???" (yeah, I'm good, thanks) The second time I managed to get to the floor under my own power before the lights went out. The third time I called for help in a very tiny voice, which was all I could muster, and he came in and put a cold wet cloth on my neck just in time to save me from a three-peat. The cold cloth was ever after handy.

We did this for 12 hours. Each. We went through a half-dozen showers, four rolls of toilet paper, tried pepto-bismal with no effect and then just lay in misery until then next bout.

I lost my voice from the acid coming up. I guess I never will understand bulimia.

Is there a law against telling where we acquired this gift of poison? Probably. The owner of the restaurant says: “Well, nobody else is complaining.” How much do I hate THAT lame statement, under any circumstances? A lot. We weren't poisoned in your place just because nobody else is complaining???? I'm suppose to believe you that nobody else is complaining? And if true, just because nobody else put it together doesn’t mean our experience wasn’t valid, you total ass. And guess what? There was a third person in our party, he also got dreadfully ill and it was the only meal the three of us shared.

Oh yeah, we called the health department. They were more concerned than the restaurant owner. They even called back, to find out how we’re doing. Nice.

So if you’re in Seattle and you don’t want to eat there (at that smallish micro-tav in Ballard not called the Meowing Cat) email me. I’ll be happy to give you the name privately, one concerned citizen to another.

Is that wrong?

Ar @ large & back from the brink